Day five done of my seven days in a row Hospital visits. Six days of Radiotherapy for the cancer on my cheek and a Heart Operation on Thursday in Manchester. The worst part of the Radiotherapy is the two hour round trip in the car, twice I have been on my way home before the time of my appointment. It is a little odd the treatment, i'm sure the equipment cost's thousands but there is no sensation at all, the equipment comes down out of the ceiling and is directed at my cheek then everyone leaves the room for a couple of minutes and then it is done, no sound, no vibration or feeling of any sort! I think the staff are just sitting outside playing cards and it is a big scam haha. Joking aside I hope it does work, as for the last couple of months I have a permanent plaster on my cheek as the lump looks hideous and is growing quite quickly and it is a very odd feeling to look in a mirror and actually see my cancer.
Thursday I am off to Manchester Royal Infirmary for an operation on my heart, along with thousands of others I got a call the other day to cancel it until 15th February but very fortunately when they read up on my circumstances it was reinstated, the thought of having to wait yet another month really knocked me sideways, a horrible position to be in, those poor people who have had their operations cancelled have my heart felt sympathy.
Lots of talk in the press about people at risk in the cold weather and the Flu that seems to be sweeping the country. The cold weather has caused me a lot of problems with my breathing and it is easy to see how things could go very wrong if I was not careful, I have been lucky and avoided the Flu, again I think I would be in a lot of trouble if I caught it, its only over time that you learn how vulnerable you are when you are ill.
This time of year I would normally be very busy with my exploring around the country and with some of the gorgeous frosty days we have had recently I have looked on rather longingly, its not so much that I wouldn't be capable of getting out and walking etc, I would with a bit of care but its more psychological, to properly enjoy something you have to be at peace with yourself and the world around you, something that I am not at the moment, I have a horrible premonition of the future, I am very restless and have this constant need to be doing something, which is great in one respect as I have finished all the DIY jobs around the house that needed doing, but it feels like all I am doing is trying to put off the inevitable.
Amazing to think it is nearly a year since I was in Hawaii, with a lot of luck and everything crossed I will be there again in a few months.